Journey Through Pain

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 18:42:00 +0000

Behind!!! Too much work 2 little time... video shoot downtown... later!

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 14:42:00 +0000

I am very busy working on several projects for Faith Hope & Love; prayers welcome!!

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 14:22:00 +0000

heading to the FHL urban meeting this am. Time for some connection and communication.

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 08:14:00 +0000

It was special when dau. Michelle played her viola with our praise team today (Sunday) ^ ^

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 08:13:00 +0000

Sunday --- thank GOD --- He's in control!! 'cause a lot of bad stuff is happening 2 those I love.

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:47:00 +0000

I'm on my way to cafe agape after I grab a couple bucks. cu there : )

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 21:39:00 +0000

Burning memories to dvd for daughter then out to Cafe Agape for evening.

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 20:47:00 +0000

Thanx 4 the prayers. The party was great! I messed up one of my mandolin leads, but only a couple of us in the band even noticed anything wrong. Just kept playing & it was okay : )

The Lame Lamb

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 04:26:00 +0000

I would like to tell you of a practice that is used when a lamb continues to wander away from the flock.
In order for the lamb that keeps wandering away to learn to stay with the flock, the shepherd uses his staff and actually breaks one of legs of the lamb. Then he splints the leg and carries the little one over his shoulders for a good bit of the healing time required.

The lamb is carried this way as they go about the daily life of whatever sheep and their shepherd do. All the while a special bond is being made.

When the day comes that the shepherd removes the splint from the leg of the lamb, the purpose of what may seem to be an abusive act comes into focus.

That little lamb will NEVER wander away from his shepherd again! In fact he now gleefully leaps about in the area near the shepherd. The very hand that had caused his pain, comforted him through it, lovingly cared for him, and gave him a real appreciation for all that the shepherd provides.

So now, when you read in the book of Isaiah " All we like sheep go astray, each to his own way", and the LORD is the keeper of them all, I hope that you will remember this illustration.

There is a reason for our pain. If we won't stop wandering away, the shepherd will pursue our closeness in some other way. That's just how much He longs to be close to us. Isn't that neat?

Now What?

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 04:22:00 +0000

Surgery Again??

Yes, that's right. Thursday, Feb. 21 (the day after I turn 46) I will have my 31st surgery. (sigh). Dr. Karl Raynor is going to go in and remove some more bone and the bone stimulator (looks like AA battery with a bunch of wires coming from it).

I found out Tuesday that there is a reason for the tremendous pain I am having in my leg/ankle/foot. The tip of the fibula (smaller lower leg bone) which had been cut off at a sharp angle is growing into the tibia (larger lower leg bone) trying to form a pseudojoint.

What does all that mean? P-A-I-N!!!

It's been over 3 weeks of constant Level 8 pain with spikes of "drop me to my knees" 9.5! I don't ever use the 10, because I think it can ALWAYS be worse.

The last month of increasing pain has been hard on me, and my family as I can not do as much as I used to. So I am glad that I will be having the surgery soon.

The Battlefield of the Mind

I remember the first battleline decision: I must put myself on the crutches again. My "stinkin' thinkin'" would have me believe that this would be proof that I am a failure; that I am weak and feeble; going backwards instead of forward.

My pain management tools are starting to kick in, as I reminded myself that I need to take care of my body and forget about what others may think or say about me being back on crutches. Once the decision was made, I just did it!

My frustration grew as my "to do list" had more and more things left unchecked at the end of the day. My house became more and more disorganized and neglected. This all came at a time when the application deadline was very close for a part-time job that I'd been praying over for a month. I had concerns over transportation and the undependability of my body. God clearly shut the door on that one. So He has something even better.

However, if I had a say-so, I wouldn't have pegged another surgery as the next step in my career preparedness work. Still, after so much recovery time experience with Him I totally trust Him and His direction.

Lessons Being Learned

One great lesson that I have learned in my twenty years of my plans being frustrated . . . God IS ALWAYS in Control !! When I get to the point of saying ... "now what?" out of desperation instead of just curiously seeking God's input on what I'd like to do.... then, and only then is the time that God knows He has my FULL attention and will do ANYTHING that He wants me to do.

What He often wants me to DO, is to just BE. OOOOH, that's so hard for me! I grew up believing that performance is how I was measured. I truly enjoyed overachievement. So His cure for my wrong thinking was to have me just stop. He caused me to "be still and know that I am God."

That is not all. He continues to teach me that I am special, just as I am. He loves me like this!? It doesn't matter what THINGS I accomplish, what success I build up, etc. God has taught me it's my relationship with Him and reliance upon His provision that is the most precious. . . my true treasure.

The grace He continues to show me as He helps me to see myself, not as I think: but as God says!
Now THAT is powerful!
I still don't claim to understand it. I truly have to WORK at it... correcting my wrong thinking and poor self-esteem. But how do I do it? With the TRUTH which is found in the Word of God.

So for now, I am going to be in a time of resting in the loving arms of our Lord. Allowing Him to love me. The little lamb with the broken leg being carried by the Great Shepherd.

Journey Through Pain: YOU Can Make a Difference

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 18:56:00 +0000

Journey Through Pain: YOU Can Make a Difference

Shadows Along the Way

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 05:54:00 +0000

I ponder about the depression that so oft' besets the person with chronic pain. It is a darkness that seems consuming ... inescapable ... threatening to swallow us up in its blackness of uncaring loneliness.

To be in the shadows is to have all the joy sucked out of every aspect of my life. It is the fear of the unknown. The realization that I can't stay in this place. It is drudgery, bleakness and hopelessness. Or is it???

You see... I believe that the shadow can be seen in another way. As I acknowledge the shadow for that which it truly is, I needn't fear. For a shadow is simply a result of a light shining beyond an obstacle. It is not solid and cannot hurt me. It has no course of its own. No ill intent against me personally. It simply exists to testify that there is a great light nearby. It is the light that has the power; not the shadow.

Walking down the pathway of my life and journey through pain, I experience the shadows of depression stretching toward me from time to time. However, if I remember the insight above I can overcome the despair of the shadows and realize the hope that is there.

For, if the shadow is reaching toward me, and I face it, I know that I am heading in the Light direction. The darker that the shadow appears, the more intense is the light that forms it.
My friend, I pray that you remember these words and draw upon the encouragement that is intended to help you as we travel this path together. Experience the joy as we draw closer to the light!

YOU Can Make a Difference

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 22:09:00 +0000

As I embark on a mission with a passion I would like to personally invite you along on this journey. You can help others by simply posting your story. What happened to cause you the pain that you now suffer? What are your greatest challenges? What tools and strengths have you developed so far? Please take part in this page. As what you have learned and are experiencing helps everyone as we share and care. Blessings and comfort to you Friend.

Flixn Recorder 2

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 16:34:00 +0000

Purpose In Pain

noreply@blogger.com (Ellen5e) — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 19:15:00 +0000

The purpose of this page is to act as a common support site for people who are in pain. To offer hope as we spiritually share together our experiences, our knowledge, our challenges and victories, while offering mutual support and encouragement.

There is only one specific 12-step group for People In Chronic Pain currently outside the Indianapolis area held once a week in Plainfield, IN. The severity of chronic pain and its effects on personal quality of life and the communities in which our partners in pain dwell, that we NEED to establish many more support services.

So until such a time... I believe that God has called me to do what I can with what I have.

The God of All Comfort 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 (New International Version)

New International Version (NIV)

Right now, that means the birth of this page.

Currently there is a great need for support groups to be established for those who suffer with chronic pain disease. As people in chronic pain learn, isolation is the enemy.
Working together, we can encourage and uplift one another as we go through the various challenges that our chronic pain brings us.

Please join me in making this a process toward GROWING though pain; not just GOING through pain!